Why I'm posting at 6am

Uterus: Surprise!
Tsaiko: What?
Uterus: It's a period.
Tsaiko: But I have another week...
Uterus: Now you don't.
Tsaiko: You are kidding me? Now?
Uterus: I know it's a day late for your girlfriend's birthday, but it'll at least ruin your weekend.
Tsaiko: Son of a...

Theoretically speaking...

If I were writing a story about a werewolf detective and his hot partner being locked in a room by an evil villain on the night of the full moon where the werewolf detective's "primal instincts" take over, what would I name him and his partner? And then if the werewolf's ex shows up to watch, what would I name him?

Hypothetically.

PS - a name for the villain would be awesome as well because I am drawing a big old blank. Not that I'm writing this as we speak *cough*cough*

EDIT: And there certainly aren't a few paragraphs of porn ( under this cut )