A rant on pee

[tsaiko]

Dear co-workers,

One of you peed in the bathroom. Now I know the bathroom is generally where you are supposed to pee, but you seem to have missed out on the fact that the pee itself is supposed to go into the toilet. You do remember the toilet right? It's that large white porcelain contraption that you somehow missed with your dick.

I haven't been around guys much in my life, and this is the first time I've had to share a bathroom with them. Even I know that occasionally guys dribble. A spot or two on the toilet I can understand. After all, that's easy to miss. If you don't realize your spilled it, you can't be expected to wipe it up.

This was not a spot or two. This was like an entire cup of pee. I didn't know the human bladder held that much liquid. Hell, I couldn't have spread that much pee around had I gotten up in the middle of doing my business and done the chicken dance. How else can I put this? This was a lot of pee.

Therefore I'm absolutely astonished that you did not notice the large amount of pee you spread around. Did your mother never teach your to clean up after your messes? I mean, I learned this crap when I was four. You spill it, you clean it up. It's not like any of you are blind or anything. I know for a fact you all can see. There is no way you didn't notice that your peed every where in the bathroom.

I can only assume that you figured "Some one else will clean up my urine." And some one else did. Namely, me. Let me tell you, no where in my job description does it say "Must be able to clean up pee from the bathroom." I was not happy about this but I did it because unlike you guys, I have to sit down for all my bodily functions. Including peeing. I do not get the option of just pretending there isn't pee on the floor especially since I wear nice dress pants and do not want to get your damn pee on them.

After I had mopped it up with toilet paper and sprayed half a can of germ killing Lysol (because really, I do not need to be the person who discovers that stupid is transmitted through contact with infected pee), I went and told my boss. She is the only other female in the office and she is anal retentive about keeping it clean. As soon as I said something, she got her husband to call you into the conference and you all proceeded to get a lecture of a lifetime.

Now I know you all rolled your eyes and shifted uncomfortably. Are the girls in the office complaining again about a little dribble? No. I was complaining about the pee every where. Want to avoid a repeat performance (because I know I do)? Here's how. DON'T PEE ON THE SEAT AND FLOOR. It's really not that hard. You should have learned how to control this sort of thing in preschool. If you don't know yet, let me tell you, now is a fine time to learn.

Do I need to put cheerios in the toilet for you to aim at? Because I will if it will prevent this. Especially considering this is not the first time this has happened. Oh no. It happens about every three or four months because one of you fucktards thinks it's perfectly fine to make someone else wipe your bodily fluids up in order to be able to use the toilet.

In conclusion, if one of you does this again I swear I will leave the toilet paper I use to clean it up sitting in a damp pile on your desk chair. Let's see how happy getting your ass wet because you didn't realize there was pee there before you sat down.

Absolutely NO LOVE,
Tsaiko


I feel much better now. ^^